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Overall Rating : 3/10
Directed By : The Mallachi Brothers
Alby Castro (The 9/11 Commission Report)
Juliana Ruiz
Stephen A.F. Day (Shapeshifter)
Carolyn Meyer
Supplied By : The Asylum
Film Reviewed By : Rick L. Blalock
Date Reviewed : Aug. 28, 2006
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| PLOT Under a powerful Mayan curse, snakes are hatched inside a young woman, slowly devouring her from within. Her only chance for survival is a powerful shaman who lives across the border. With only hours to live, she jumps on a train headed for Los Angeles. Unfortunately for the passengers aboard, they are now trapped, soon to be victims of these flesh-eating vipers. |
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| THE REVIEW In one of the most ridiculous plots I have heard in a long time, SNAKES ON A TRAIN, delivers an unbelievable story of a night when thousands of snakes are unleashed on a train housing unsuspecting passengers. A young girl whom was set to marry the man of her parents choosing, defies them and runs off with her boyfriend but that is not before the spiteful parents gave her a her a more than harsh punishment - they have stricken her with an illness via a mayan curse. The curse has caused venomous snakes to hatch inside of her....the boyfriend suggests that the two go see his Uncle in Los Angeles, so they jump on a train that will get them there in 24 hours. But as you guessed and read in the plot description up top....it's not long until the snakes escape from the female's body and "terror" follows as the snakes attack all who are all aboard the train. Well, we are finally back with a new review for a film produced by The Asylum after a long hiatus of them sending out titles - I just wish the review could've been a little more positive. When reading the title, you don't even have to think for one second to know what The Asylum are attempting to do here and that is ride the coat tails of the highly popular SNAKES ON A PLANE. I mean it isn't like this is there first go around at this, but this is one of the more blatantly obvious attempts. SNAKES ON A TRAIN, is 100% B - movie cheese and knows it, as it tries to be "so bad it's good" - it's bad alright, but not good in the least bit. If you haven't figured it out yourself already, the plot is highly outrageous and makes you wonder "what we're they thinking?", almost as if they threw together the less than solid Mayan plot line together, and added the drug smuggling subplot...just so that they could get to the snake action, and honestly speaking the best parts of the film are towards it's end.... However for being a low budget film, I have to give credit where credit is due, this does have the appearance that of a high end production as does most of The Asylum's catalog. I also have to applaud the effective use of both CGI and live snakes(or as far as I could tell), at this budget, they utilized them as well as any other big budgeted film would - but from what I have saw SNAKES ON A PLANE looks to be more entertaining, although I still have no desire whatsoever to see it anytime soon. There's not too much I can say about this one other than The Asylum has done MUCH better - much better knock offs and even far greater originals. So I must ask The Asylum once again, where are those originals I used to love? I'd love to see them again..... |
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| GORE
METER 5/10 Although the story is not too interesting to me...I did think some of the makeup effects were pretty well done. I liked when the snakes slithered through one's body only to have the victim claw their own flesh off....there is also the removal of one's internal organs. |
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| MUSICAL
SCORE 3/10 Since the film takes place relatively in the desert, there is a score with a southwestern country flavor and then later it is mixed with the usual suspenseful tones.. |
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| OVERALL
IMPRESSION OF THE FILM I know this film was just trying to copy cat an original, but with the recent releases from The Asylum I go into them with an open mind. I tried to see this film as a fun 90 minute or so film, but the story is so thin, that I was just never interested in what was occurring.....I usually love B-Movies but this one just didn't do it for me. I wouldn't actually recommend this, but there is a great scene towards the conclusion in which a giant of a snake tries to eat the train whole...so that gets a few points from me. |
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